And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day!

The Pogues - Fairytale of New York (lyrics)

Merry Christmas!

(Thanks to Tracie)

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer needs therapy, or zen

All of the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games. Then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say: "Rudolph, with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Then how the reindeer loved him, as they shouted out with glee: "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history!"

Dude, that is such the wrong message to be sending out to kids : )

So here you have this reindeer-kid, Rudolph, who's tortured by all the other kids at the schoolyard because his nose is off-color. Not only is he laughed at and called names by his peers, he's a social outcast. He's rejected. Then along comes The Man who says, "Don't worry Rudolph. I'm gonna make you a star!" What message are we sending here? Only after some big shot comes along and signs him to a sleigh-pulling gig, then is it OK to be Rudolph? Only after some dude with authority says, "He's cool", then it's socially acceptable, and we can love him, and we can shout with glee? No wonder there's millions of social rejects on YouTube crying for attention, hoping to be noticed.

Poor Rudolph needs some serious therapy!

Where's the story about the misfit red-nosed reindeer who gets laughed at and called names, but instead of enlisting in the carnival sideshow with the other freaks, decides that the real problem lies with what's considered "social norms", rather than his own peculiar shiny-nosed condition? Instead of searching for social acceptance, the reindeer-kid comes to terms with his own existence in a zen-like fashion: What nose? What red? What reindeer, even, but a spark of awareness that has no form?

I mean, the sleigh-pulling contract is nice too, don't get me wrong. But I think it'd be better for Rudolph in the long run if he sought his own acceptance rather than seeking the approval of others.

Dear City of Maysville...

I live downtown. I really enjoy living downtown and would like to thank you for all the extra perks you've provided those of us who do live downtown. You've really outdone yourself. This past Christmas season in particular, with all the decorations and lights, made it a wonderful holiday atmosphere, and for that I say thanks.

I was caught charmed one day a few weeks past when I woke to the sound of Christmas music wafting through my windows. Thinking it an odd time for carolers, I rushed to the windows and looked out. It was then that I noticed there were no carolers; Instead there were tiny, but apparently effective loudspeakers perched upon the lamp posts. What a nice touch, I thought, and listened to some old Christmas favorites while I sipped my morning coffee. It warmed my heart to hear the songs of yore and, yes, I was caught in the spirit of Christmas. Job well done. I could imagine holiday shoppers enjoying the sounds of the season as well and thought, what a great time of the year! What other town in the country has Christmas music piped into the streets?

As the weeks rolled on and that good ol' Christmas music played day and night, and day and night, and day and night, I grew accustomed to it. Sure, I heard the exact same song played twenty times daily. Sure I heard it twenty times more as each artist's remake was played right along with the original. It's Christmas and it's festive, so it was no inconvenience at all that I had to turn my television up a few notches to drown it out. Besides, it was a lot better than the usual train whistles at one in the morning, or that crazy guy who feels it is absolutely necessary to honk his horn repeatedly as he drives home from the bar each night. It's all in the spirit of Christmas, and though I heard the same song over and over and over and over again, maybe some kid out there was hearing it for the first time, like I did when I was a kid, and maybe this Christmas season would set the tone for all the seasons to come.

Merry Christmas Maysville and thank you for the six hundred plus hours of carols you provided me to make it that much more festive!

Now that it is 1 a.m. two days after Christmas, I was wondering if you could kindly pull the plug on the artificial street music? At some point several hours ago, while I was tossing uneasily and dreaming of silver bells on every street corner, every-single-street-corner-over-and-over, in the form of tiny but apparently effective loudspeakers, the Christmas music was somehow replaced by one of those soft popular music radio stations where they sing depressing love songs over and over again, and over and over again. Sure they sound somewhat different, and are sung by different artists, but come on, aren't they all just one single song played twenty-four hours straight?

Statistically speaking the holiday season has a higher rate of depression and suicide. Some psychologists believe that this is due to the lack of sunlight during the winter. That may be true, but I now believe that it is in at least some way related to Lionel Richie.

Dear Maysville, please stop playing Lionel Richie over and over through my bedroom window. I really can't take that much more of it. Even my dog seems depressed, and my dog usually needs Prosac to calm down. Honestly, I stopped listening to Lionel Richie years ago when as a kid I realized all of his depressing love songs were all about the same thing, some sort of true love that he appeared to sing about with sincerity. I stopped believing in the sincerity of Lionel Richie when I saw him on MTV singing about everlasting love to a different girl in each video. To my impressionable young mind, "everlasting" came to mean when the "album sales ran out". Ask my old girlfriends, Lionel Richie did some serious psychological damage to me. Please Maysville, I don't want to be electrocuted cutting the wires on a lamp post, but you leave me little choice. I was passing the hair treatment section of Walmart tonight and cringed at images of Jheri Curl mullets.

In the very least, can you put the Christmas carols back on? Mr. Scrooge gives good advice: "I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." I'm with him on that. We should totally start by playing Christmas bells again instead of pop music. Gimme back my Saint Nicholas. I need some St. Nick cause Nicole, as in Richie, is sounding more and more like the spawn of Satan as each hour passes into the night.

Very truly yours,

Devoted Resident

Why I believe in Santa Claus

In 1897 the now famous "Yes Virginia There Is A Santa Claus" editorial was published in the New York Sun. This is my interpretation.

I believe in Santa Claus because I believe in black holes. True, the two seem to have very little in common. One's a big black hole. The other is a fat guy with a white beard. One is a region of space that is so dense even light can't escape it's gravitational pull. The other has eight tiny reindeer that apparently defy the gravity all the time. One eats the stars around it. The other eats milk and cookies. Yes, black holes and Santa Claus don't really have that much in common with each other. They do, however, share the following: No one's ever seen either. Both exist.

No one has ever seen a black hole. In order for us to see an object, something must radiate from it, usually light. Because the gravitational pull of a black hole is so powerful, nothing escapes it, not even light (hence it being black). Scientists only know black holes exist – with absolute certainty – because of the effect it has on the objects surrounding it. Once an object passes in close proximity to the black hole, all possible paths lead into the hole. Thus you can measure the existence of the black hole because you can see the effects it has on other objects. It's objective. It's real.

When Dr. Philip O’Hanlon's eight-year-old daughter, Virginia, asked him whether Santa Claus really existed he told her to write to the New York Sun, a prominent New York City newspaper at the time. So she did. She wrote, "Papa says if you see it in The Sun it's so. Please tell me the truth; is there a Santa Claus?" One of the paper’s editors, Francis Pharcellus Church, replied (in part) "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy... You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if they did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus."

Church wasn't trying to suggest that Santa is physically real, only that Santa is real in terms of an effect on the world created by the idea of him. This reality is caused by having someone so generous in the minds of people every Christmas, that he becomes real. This nonphysical reality of poetry and romance becomes objective changes in how people physically act. Santa Claus radiates into people's hearts and minds, and they are in turn kinder, generous and more Santa-like. Santa, physical or not, inspires people, and thus there is a real measurable effect.You don't get the same kind of result with other folkloric heroes such as the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. They inspire very little. Santa Claus, on the other hand, is a tangible role model. Because the effect is real, the cause is real.

Like black holes that have never been seen, but effects other things, Santa Claus is definitely real.

Merry Christmas everyone!